Elsa's Birth Story

I finished the awful task of hand-writing Elsa's birth story in my baby journal for her today.  Of course it was worth doing, but I hate hand-writing anything... especially something that important and long where I didn't want to leave out a single detail.  I should've typed it and pasted it in there... but I was being sentimental about it being hand-written.  (Dumb, since the penmanship is so bad you can barely get through it.)  Oh well!  It's done now.  And typing it here will be WAY easier!  But beware... read no further unless you are interested in reading an un-edited birth story.  I did not sugar-coat this for those who might be squeamish about childbirth and all its various gory details.

I love looking back at Tuesday hour by hour, play by play.  It was such an eventful, new, and exciting day, and at the same time difficult and challenging beyond belief.  I've never had another like it and I want to remember every detail forever!  All week, Chris and I have just been talking about it again and again... and of course marveling at the sweetness of our new daughter.  She's more perfect than I could've ever imagined.

Late late at night Monday (technically it was Tuesday morning) I woke up having contractions.  This was no huge surprise.  I'd had Braxton-Hicks pretty predictably for the past few weeks after certain physical activities, so this made sense.  I laid there and breathed through them, and noticed they were slightly more painful than most.  I found it was much more comfortable if I took them on my hands and knees instead of lying flat.  As they came at me over and over, I started to feel bad because I was obviously disturbing Chris's sleep.  Around around 3:00am I decided to move into the living room and deal with them in there so he could rest.  That was a very good idea (our bed is so high off the ground, getting in and out is not easy with a pregnant belly... in the living room I could sleep on the couch and roll onto my hands and knees on the floor very easily.)  I did this for about two hours.  When the contractions didn't ease up, I started watching my phone to see how far apart they were coming.  Three minutes (pretty consistently.)  It was about 5:00am.  I went into our room and woke up Chris and told him they were coming close together and fairly regularly.  He woke up and came into the living room with me and began helping me time them.

I'm not really sure exactly when they got more intense... I just know that by daylight they were quite strong and I was in a WEIRD frame of mind, almost like a zombie.  I'd fall asleep for 3 minutes at a time on the chair and then as a contraction would come on I would wake up and writhe through it trying to breathe deeply and do "horse lips" to help myself relax... and then fall back asleep when it was gone. Chris would pull on my back during the contractions because it helped them be more bearable.  Then he would just stand there watching me sleep until another one came, keeping time.

Around 6:00am, he called the hospital and described what was going on because we had no idea when we should head that way.  They told him it sounded like early labor and to get me to relax, try to eat, and try to stay home as long as was comfortable.  I remember thinking, "EARLY labor?  I hope they are wrong... this doesn't feel early."  I attempted to eat a bowl of cereal... NOT enjoyable with my stomach contracting so often.  I decided I wanted Chris to check my cervix to see if I was at all dilated.  I needed some idea where we were in this process.  But unfortunately, he couldn't tell (I've been SO effaced the past four weeks, my doctors have had a hard time reaching my cervix... and I think he was being cautious anyway.  Plus, he could never really try for long because my contractions were coming close together and I couldn't deal with them while being checked.)  So we really just had to try and guess when it would be a good idea to go to the hospital.

When the contractions had still not eased up by 7:00am, we texted family and friends (and work) to let them know we thought today was the day.  I had the hardest time writing out that text... I'd type like two words and try to read them back to myself and feel like I could hardly read what I had written.  So weird!  Then Chris told me he had to run to work quickly to drop something off before being gone all week.  I really didn't want him to leave!  It was so hard to deal with the contractions without him helping me.  He was only gone for about 15 minutes though.  During that time, Angie Barnes called me to get some idea how I was doing.  I was SO out of it.  I could hardly put together a coherent sentence for her on the phone... and I kept having to take "contraction breaks."  At one point I even accidentally hung up on her!

A few more hours of this and then we called my dad to let him know we were going to head to the hospital soon.  It was really tough to determine when to tell him and Angie to leave Missouri for Little Rock.  Looking back now it might've been better for them to leave earlier, but we just didn't have a good idea how far along I was.  Anyway, then Chris went around the house packing up the last minute items from our packing list and trying to get me to eat some more.  I had talked big about how my birth plan was going to include eating for energy during labor if I needed it.  But that is HARD to do when your stomach is contracting.  I ate two bites of a granola bar and some orange juice and milk... which I later wound up throwing up, haha.

The car ride was not fun.  The contractions were really worse when the car was turning or hitting a bump.  But we made it to the hospital around noon, parked in the parking deck and got ourselves inside.  When the hospital staff saw us coming down the hall, stopping every few minutes for a contraction, someone brought me a wheelchair and they wheeled us to our room.  Since Chris had called ahead and let them know we wanted to do a natural birth, they had reserved a room with a tub for us!  I hadn't planned on using it, but we did want the option.  Our nurse introduced herself as Kelli, and told me she was 29 weeks pregnant herself!  And even cooler... she was going to have this one at home (after having her first two at the hospital with an epidural.)  I was so excited about this because I knew she would be on board with all our decisions for a natural birth.

Chris went down to the car to get our bags and Kelli stepped in to pull on my lower back during each contraction.  She complimented me on how well I was breathing and relaxing through each one! When Chris got back to the room and I got changed into a gown, Kelli checked my cervix and announced I was at 5 centimeters!  I was SO relieved because I thought, "Good.  This means I won't be one of those women who's in labor for two days... I'm progressing!  This hurts but it won't go on forever."  (I also was glad because I had been right about being farther along than "early labor" that morning.)

Over the next few hours, the anesthesiologist stopped in to introduce himself and ask me a few questions (in case I later decided I needed him), and they went ahead and put an IV in me, to use if needed.  Dr. Singleton also stopped in to say hello.  He didn't end up being the one to deliver Elsa (apparently he wasn't on call that day.  I don't know how that works.)  My cousin Emily also arrived to assist with the labor and cheer me on, and my two sisters arrived from Searcy.  Originally I had only planned to include Emily and my sister Mallory in the actual delivery... but when the time came and I knew my sister in law Kelly was in the waiting room, I realized I was completely fine with her joining us!  (It's tough to know ahead of time what you're going to prefer when you're in labor.  It turned out I was much less modest about the whole thing than I expected to be.)

I remember at one point saying, "I think I'm about to be sick..." and then immediately throwing up.  I'm glad I went into childbirth prepared or that might have worried me, but I knew it was normal to throw up during transition.  I definitely had moments where I thought, "I really wish I weren't feeling this pain right now."  But I didn't really ever wish I could take pain medication.  I felt like it was all do-able, productive, and exactly what was supposed to be happening, even though it hurt.  I was also encouraged because I knew it was moving along and would be over soon.  Emily and Chris were good about reminding me that each contraction was getting me closer to the end and would never have to be repeated... and to focus on relaxing when I wasn't having one.

Kelli (the nurse, in case this gets confusing) didn't want to keep checking my cervix just to check it (she said that can sometimes intensify the contractions)... but she told us it's fairly common to dilate about a centimeter an hour once you've reached 5.  So when she thought I was close to 7 she said, "I think this is a good time for you to get in the tub."  Like I said, I hadn't planned on using the tub... it kinda seemed like it would just be a hassle.  But she suggested it again a few minutes later and said she thought it would really help with the pain.  So into the tub I went!  The hot water did feel really good... but I knew I would be cold when I got out.

Anyway, thirty minutes in the water and I felt the distinct feeling that I might be ready to start pushing.  (Basically it felt a little bit like I needed to have a bowel movement, haha.)  I didn't tell anyone I thought it might be time to push though, because I wasn't sure.  I got out of the tub and back into the bed and Kelli checked me and announced I was at a 9!  When I heard that, I was again relieved!  Chris was so excited and encouraging, telling me what a good job I had done relaxing through the contractions and progressing to a 9 so quickly.  Meanwhile, the doctor had arrived, and I was so glad to see that it was Dr. Simmons!  (Dr. Simmons is the only other doctor I've seen through my pregnancy, at times when Dr. Singleton wasn't available.  He's in his 70s and incredibly sweet and kind.  He had actually been the one to examine me at my last appointment, just one day earlier!  So he recognized me and seemed excited to see me.  He also recognized Emily, who's baby he delivered earlier this year.)

It was at that point that I told everyone I was feeling ready to push.  This is the part I was NOT prepared for.  With my first push, I gave a giant exhale, just like I would if I were doing a tough pull-up or weight-lifting move (it helps you exert the force you need.)  And I was surprised when Dr. Simmons told me that instead of doing it that way, I should hold my breath and bear down like I'm having a bowel movement.  I thought... "When you're working out, that's a great way to pull something!"  So I couldn't believe that's how I was supposed to push... but ok!  I gave it a try... held my breath and pushed as hard as I could for as long as I could.  It felt like my eyeballs were about to pop out of my head!  And what was worse, it felt like it didn't move her a darn inch!  Dr. Simmons told me I would need to push like that for ten seconds at a time, at least three times in a row.  I remember thinking he was crazy.  One push like that and I was spent!  I was supposed to come right back and do it two more times before resting?  So I tried that, and man was it hard! Each time I would push, my crowd would cheer and tell me it was working... but I remember feeling like they were just saying that, since I couldn't feel a sensation like her head sliding forward.  It just felt lodged.

Her heart-rate stayed stable so no one was worried that the pushing took a little time (and by that I mean, I pushed for a little over an hour.  That felt like a really long time!)  Dr. Simmons explained that with future babies I'd probably have to barely push at all... but with this one my perennial floor was just very strong and not wanting to give way.  I directed them to my Vitamin E oil in my bag and Dr. Simmons used it to massage the area to help it loosen up around her head.  He suggested I try sitting up to push (as impossible as that sounded) and the nurses brought this bar thing that attached to the foot of my bed.  I sat up with great difficulty and placed one foot on either of Dr. Simmons' knees.  (Apparently there were stirrups I could've used, but I didn't see them... and he didn't point me to them.  So I delivered with my feet sitting on his knees!)

From my sitting position I continued attempting to push.  I held those pushes as long and as hard as I possibly could.  Being able to see her head and her hair peeking out was helpful... as was the cheering I heard from all the nurses and my family members in the middle of those hard pushes.  It made me feel like some progress was being made, even though I couldn't feel her sliding out as readily as I wanted to.  What hurt the absolute worst (of the whole experience) was the sensation I would get after finally resting after pushing.  It was as if all that built-up pressure from pushing was flooding away from the area at once, and that was when my screams got a little maniacal and the nurses were telling me I had to get control. But it was hard, because those moments right after a hard push were the times I felt the most out of control.  The pain would just wash over me.

Then Dr. Simmons said, "I think you'll have her out on the next round of pushes."  What a great thing to hear!    It gave me the strength I needed.  I could feel slight stinging/burning and knew that was normal... but it wasn't terrible.  Nurse Kelli suggested at this point that I go ahead and take off my gown and bra since I wanted Elsa placed right on my skin when she was born.  (I was pleasantly surprised by that suggestion!  I had figured they'd be a little squeamish about full nudity with a hospital birth... but they were the ones to suggest it!  And like I said, I surprised myself by not minding at all... even with the slight crowd in the room and the 70-year-old man parked under my feet.)  I pushed with all my might and everybody cheered, "You're doing SO good!!" and then I felt her head come out with almost a slight pop.  It had a funny shape at first, of course.  I remember that really well.  From there, I was just so relieved because I knew he could pull her out the rest of the way... which is just what he did.  I watched as her whole body came into view and he began to wipe off most of the goo.  She was born at 3:56 pm.  Then they handed her right to me and Chris and I just gazed at her and talked to her and smiled and rejoiced!  He was crying his eyes out and I didn't even notice.  I think I was just so in the zone.  As I held her, Dr. Simmons told me to give one more push so I could deliver the placenta.  I did and could tell immediately that I was urinating while pushing.  The nurses told me not to worry about it one bit!  The placenta came out easily... I hardly felt it... and Dr. Simmons showed it to an amazed Mallory and Kelly.  He then stitched me up because (unfortunately) I had gotten a nice little tear when her head popped out.  He did inject a local anesthetic for that part.  But I was coming down from quite an adrenaline high anyway, so the stitch-up did not bother me.

Her body started off really gray but turned to bright pink as she cried and oxygenated her lungs.  We smiled at hearing her cry, knowing those lungs were working great!  We then brought in my dad and Angie.  They came over to my bed and we all three cried as we looked at perfect little Elsa.  Then, once they had draped my sheets back over me, we brought my brother Harrison and brother-in-law James into the room too.  I was so happy for everyone to get to be in there for that portion of the experience.  It was so wonderful!  I'm glad they weren't stuck in the waiting room.

After that, the pain in my "booty" (as Dr. Simmons called it) began to register and I decided to flip to my side.  Meanwhile, Chris and the nurses took Elsa over to the warming table and they examined her, cleaned her off, did her footprints, measured her, etc.  They didn't weigh her til about an hour after she was born (she had already pooped at that point... maybe even a few times, I can't remember.)  She weighed exactly 7 lbs. and was 19 1/2 inches long.  A nurse gave me some pain pills for my "booty" and I think they made me really drowsy.  I was only partially hearing what was going on around me.  My dad fed me the sandwich and chips the hospital staff had brought in for my dinner.  And after some recovery time, they moved us to our post-partum room.

What an experience!  I'm so happy about how it went.  I feel like my major goals were accomplished!  I went into labor on my own, without any labor-inducing drugs.  I birthed my child without pain medication... I progressed quickly and efficiently.  I didn't have an episiotomy or any other unnecessary intervention.  (I, of course, had hoped and planned not to tear... but we did what we could to prevent it so I can't be too bummed about that.)  I proved to myself I can do what so many other women throughout history have done... what God created our bodies to be able to do!  And of course I'm delighted that I didn't for any reason need an emergency C-section.

Would I do it that way again?  There is no telling.  On the one hand, Dr. Simmons did say my next child would require way less pushing, so that's encouraging.  But on the other, I have heard of people getting epidurals that allowed them to dull the pain without eliminating all sensation.  My primary reason for wanting to go sans-epidural was so I could assist with the progression and pushing in my labor.  So maybe there's a way to have both.  Or maybe by the time I get pregnant with our second, I will have forgotten all about the pain of this first delivery.  Elsa is doing an very good job seeing to that!  All in all, I have no regrets... I'm SO glad we did it this way.