Kal's Birth

Our sweet (and so far, seemingly chill) Kal was born this weekend late in the night... or rather, very early Saturday morning at 2:29am.  He weighed 7lbs 3.8oz (so we're rounding it up to 4oz.) And he was 20 1/4 inches long.  Here's his birth story...

Everything about this pregnancy has been an exercise in "getting my mind right."  Even finding out I was pregnant was a tough pill to swallow, because the timing was all God's and not mine, and the news was a complete and total surprise.  (Not one of those surprises where you kinda figure you might've had a "oops" and your suspicions are confirmed... I'm talking I literally have no idea how we could possibly have gotten pregnant, timing-wise, and, the day we found out, it was not even on the radar of possibility until we saw those two little lines.)

Anyway, the mental battle continued from there... My first trimester of this pregnancy was the sickest I've ever been with any of our three kids and I truly had to work daily not to just complain and gripe constantly.  I couldn't even think about the actual birth part, because for one thing the vivid recollections of Ava's birth had nowhere near faded, and for another, it was survival-mode trying to get through the sickness phase one day at a time.

What a bright spot it was when we found out we were pregnant with a BOY!!! (We sprung for the 10-week blood test that lets you find out the gender early... so I got the call from our nurse right in the midst of the yucky, sick phase, on a day where I hadn't left the couch once.  So it truly was SUCH a wonderful bright spot of much-needed fun news!)

I say all that stuff to lead up to this... as the day has drawn nearer for me to deliver Kal, my over-arching feeling was, "I'm SO ready to meet him, but so not pumped up about the delivery part."

Maybe other mamas who've done natural childbirths before can relate. (I'm hoping so)...

When you go into a new experience and are very amped up to just "knock it out of the park" (like I was about my plan to deliver Elsa naturally, sans pain meds/induction/interventions), your lack of firsthand experience can actually be a real blessing.  You know the thing is going to be hard, but you're still relatively clueless.  And just as you promise yourself you will, you handle it LIKE A BOSS.

But after that, you know.  And it's not that you fear future labors because of what you know... you just have mad RESPECT for them.  You aren't even the least bit naive anymore.

When the time came to deliver Ava, I had had plenty of time to gather distance from Elsa's birth, and I was just as ready and pumped up as the first go-round!!  The whole thing went beautifully!!

This time... just a bit different.  As I said above, I struggled through this pregnancy.  My mental state got a TON better as the sickness wore off, but I continued to prefer not to think about the delivery part and focus instead on the "can't wait to meet Kal" part.  And when I woke up this past Friday having a few more contractions than normal, and feeling them a bit more intensely than the days before, and having the "sense" that we'd probably be meeting him that day or night, I felt excited, but cautious.  Whereas with Elsa and Ava, that "today's the day" sense had propelled me to jump into a flutter of labor-inducing activities to try and get the show on the road, with Kal I was content to spend Friday chilling and doing very little.  (I think I was half-way hoping I could just act like I wasn't really noticing the early and middle-stage labor signs, and that by the time I showed up at the hospital I'd be at 8 centimeters and he'd kinda just fall out with no effort.) LOL!  So... experiencing a bit of denial maybe?  All-in-all, just NOT what I would describe as "mentally ready to punch this labor in the face."

So the day was wonderful.  Contractions were steady and I could tell they were productive and that I was likely progressing.  I took the extra time to style my hair in the morning and put a bit of makeup on, because I always feel better when I've done that.  We played with our girls throughout the day, did our normal thing, and even took a leisurely walk around the neighborhood after dinner.  

After that, we put them to bed in their new shared bedroom, and (thankfully) they didn't take too long to drift off.  Chris and I then turned on Scrubs on Netflix (which we've been into lately) and settled in with some Beef O'Brady's takeout.  But about halfway through eating, I had to acknowlege my contractions with more focus... I couln't talk through them, I had to just take deep breaths in and lip-flapping breaths out.  I went and grabbed my yoga ball to sit on, because that had helped me so much with Ava's delivery.  But darnit, I felt like it was not offering me much relief this time around.  Each time I would work through a contraction, I was frustrated that sitting on the ball didn't seem to help me "manage" it like I wanted it to.  So I started experimenting and looking for other positions to get into, but each time I felt frustrated that no position I tried seemed to offer much assistance.

It was at that point I started getting a bit teary and emotional and telling Chris I just didn't feel mentally on top of my game heading into this.  He reminded me how strong I was and how great I was going to do, and how perfect this timing was (that it would allow us some quiet days with Kal before he had to start classes) and that we were ready, I was ready, etc... but I still felt very "not ready" and things were speeding up whether I was ready or not.  We texted several friends asking them to be my prayer warriors as tonight was very likely going to be the night and I wasn't feeling up to the challenge yet.  My sweet friends surrounded me with prayer and powerful words of scripture and affirmation.  We also called Chris's parents and my father-in-law decided to head our way so he could stay with the girls once we headed to the hospital.  It was about 10pm and we expected him to arrive around 11:30.

Well between 10:00 and 11:30 the contractions started intensifying very quickly... to the point where "breathing" was no longer doing the job and I was having to groan deeply and writhe through each one.  Having done this before I could tell I was nearing heavy labor (probably at least a 6 or 7 cm dilated.)  And I just said to Chris, "I want to get an epidural this time."  (Which surprised both of us!!)  All I can say to describe my change in feelings is... I had been there/done that/bought the t-shirt with two natural deliveries before and simply could not seem to get my mind prepared for the final stages of this one.... but it was comin' for me regardless.  What's more, it was coming FAST.  I could tell I had progressed through early and mid-stage labor in just barely a few hours, which is NOT a lot of time for your mind and body to adjust.  Also my normal game plan of relaxing FULLY between each contraction and conserving energy was not working well... because my body was shuddering and my teeth were chattering and my muscles wouldn't un-tense, even between contractions. (This is common when you're experiencing a very sudden flood of hormones.)  I had not been able to find a tolerable position for a single contraction so far, and all I wanted to do was lie down and catch my breath and rest (especially considering we had been awake all day and were about to be awake all night.)  So yes, epidural, I wanted one.

Chris was in total support of that decision, but I think he was a bit unsure whether or not to believe it was what I really wanted.  But once my mind was made up it was totally made up.  We were leaving for the hospital right that second, I wanted them to have a wheelchair waiting for me at the parking deck, and I wanted the epidural the moment they admitted me.  Yep, I was not open for discussion at this point whatsoever.  I just wanted to get there. (I was even frustrated when Chris would say "good job" during my contractions, because it was just bothering me so much that they were bothering me so much.)  We called our neighbor to come sit at the house until Warren arrived since it was intensifying fast, and as soon as she arrived, we were out the door.  Chris called ahead and repeated my "demands" to the Labor and Delivery staff ("She's requesting an epidural as soon as we get there, and we also need a wheelchair waiting at the parking deck.")  

But of course they do not come out to the parking deck like valets to escort you to the L and D unit, so we screeched into a parking spot (a super-close one, thank you Lord! My contractions were just a few minutes apart and I was feeling them big-time) and he ran inside to bring a wheelchair back for me.  Then he wheeled me down the breezeway and into an elevator (I started having a contraction right as we were getting onto the elevator, and I was groaning really loudly and probably freaking out the woman next to us.  I also got upset with him for knocking my knees against the back wall of the elevator as he wheeled me in.)

As soon as we got upstairs, I tried my absolute best to convey to the nurses that I needed their utmost compliance (haha!) "I've had two natural deliveries before... I promise you, I'm really far along.  I want an epidural, and I'm worried that if we don't do it NOW, there won't be time."  They pointed us toward a room and we let ourselves in and I threw my clothes into a pile and myself into the bed and basically spent the next half hour asking the nurses, "Pleeeeeeeeeease, what do we need to do to get the epidural as immediately as possible?"  (I'm telling you, these contractions were not like any I remember in the past... and I think it must just be because they progressed sooooo quickly.)  Of course the first thing they had to do was check me (I was at 7cm), and draw some blood and send it to the lab.  (If your platelette count is too low, getting an epidural isn't safe.)  I think Chris felt like he could identify with the medical staff and might've been slightly embarrassed that I kept asking the same questions when there was literally nothing we could do but keep waiting.  But yeah, I wasn't thinking of ANYthing else and it really was a desperate feeling.

The lab did a pretty killer job hurrying up my results and giving us the thumbs-up for the epidural.  After about 30ish minutes of being there they sent in the CRNA to give it to me.  Chris recognized him from working together in the past and said something like, "Ray Ray! What's UP??" when the guy walked into the room, and I was just like, "Nope!! Reunion later.  Reunion after the epidural." (Again, I think I embarrassed him.  And to tell the truth, as soon as I was calmed down I was a bit embarrassed too.  Not the first impression you want to give people of yourself, ha!)

Getting an epidural is very hard when your contractions are so close together, because you have to sit hunched over and very still and allow them to do their thing.  I sat like that resting on Chris while the CRNA prepped/cleaned my back.  Then I had a contraction and he had to step back and wait.  Then as soon as that one was over he started administering the epidural.  At one point I had another contraction while he was in the middle of what he was doing, which meant I could not move at all or I would mess things up.  Um... seriously.  Hardest thing ever.  But I was SO on board with whatever I needed to endure in order to get a break from the madness.  So somehow I managed to sit still through that contraction.  (For every other contraction for the past hour I had bascially been undulating like a serpent and groaning loudly or doing lip-flapping breaths because those help you relax.)

Once he had the epidural in, he began to gradually push the medication a little at a time.  (Apparently you have to keep an eye on mom's blood pressure and baby's heart rate and just take it gradually.  Kal and I seemed to be handling it with no problems whatsoever, so he was able to keep pushing the meds a bit at a time.)  He let me know that it would be about five minutes before I noticed any relief.  But it did get progressively better and better and I started to notice that, although I was still feeling the contractions and it was very painful, I could talk through them or handle them just by breathing deeply.  That was definite improvement.

Once I was significantly calmer, the nurse checked me again and I was at a 9!  (I think I went from a 7 to a 9 in less than an hour!)   She said she felt confident that I'd be at a 10 and ready to push as soon as my water broke, but I was content to let the water break when it wanted to so that I could lie down under a warm blanket and relax for a bit. (Remember how I had been shuddering and shaking a lot up to this point?  So the being able to lie down under a warm blanket was like HEAVEN.)

I was still feeling intense contractions on my right side (my left side wasn't feeling much at all.)  So they had me turn and lie on my right side to see if we could get gravity to help a bit with moving the epidural meds to my right side.  It never really seemed to do that, I continued to feel contractions on my right side. (Turns out my spine is a bit crooked and that is probably why.)  But bottom line, the level of intensity was much much lower and I was able to really calm down and rest.  When I would report to Chris and the nurse that I was feeling a contraction, they would tell me I was only feeling them at their peak.

So I got to enjoy the break I had prayed for, and I rested like that for maybe an hour and a half more (which FLEW by... honestly the whole night flew by.)  At one point the nurse asked me to turn onto my left side, to see if it would position Kal a bit better to open me up to the full 10 cm. So I turned onto my left side and just laid there blissfully.  One thing I liked about the fact that I got the epidural late in the delivery process was that it didn't seem to slow down or disrupt the natural flow of things much.  My body was already progressing very well and the epidural just took the edge off for the final stages.  As I was laying on my left side, I went ahead and allowed myself to lightly push... not really push but more just "release" my sphincters like you do before bearing down hard. Within a few moments of that, my water broke.  Woohoo!  So we called the nurse in, who checked me and said, "Yep, we're having a baby!"  

She then called the CRNA back in, and the doctor in.  The CRNA pushed some more epidural meds upon my request since I was about to push, and we met our doctor (Dr. Osleber) who was a VERY nice young woman about our age!  We got into position and they told me to push,and push I did.  Everyone said I was doing a great job that first round of pushes.  :)  We waited for another contraction and I did a second round of pushes.  (Such a different atmosphere pushing when you've had an epidural.  I could feel what I was doing and had good control, but the room was just calmer and I felt a lot less desperate to hurry this along, haha.)  And after round 2 of pushes the doctor told me, "I think you'll have him out after this next push." (Another woohoo!!!)  So for that third round of pushes I made sure to be really controlled and not push quite as hard as I could, that way I could hopefully not tear.  And sure enough! I got his head out in that third round of pushes, and he came our screaming nice and loud! And I only tore very very verrrrry minimally. :)  

It was, like I said, a much different feeling that our first glances at Elsa and Ava.  There's such a sense of victory and elation and emotion when you push out a baby without any medication... the first two times I remember everyone in the room was half-laughing/half-crying when they were finally born... This time it was still wonderful and super sweet, but less euphoric.  Plus there wasn't any family in the room with us... no pictures being snapped... it was 2:30 in the morning.  Just a different feel to this delivery all around.  More intimate, and (at least for the last part) more calm.

They placed Kal on my chest and covered him in a blanket to keep him warm and Chris and I just talked to him and kissed him and marveled at him.  I also asked the doctor to please show me the placenta, because (in all my aftershock and weariness and delighting in my babies the first two times around) I had never thought to look at the placenta before and always wished after the fact that I had.  She was super nice and gave me a really detailed little "lesson" about the parts of the placenta... sooooo cool!  Lastly she just had to give me a couple of tiny stitches.  My tear was really insignificant.  Nothing at all like either of my tears with Elsa and Ava, and I have barely been bothered by it a bit in recovery.  That has been soooooo nice!

We had to wait a few hours after the delivery to give Kal his first bottle (for those who don't know... I've had a double-mastectomy.  I'm a huge breastfeeding advocate, but sadly it is not an option for me) and get moved into our recovery room.  It was trickier transferring me this time, because an epidural complicates your ability to get in and out of bed, use the bathroom, not fall, etc.  Also the nurse had to do an in-and-out catheter during that time, to empty my bladder for me.  (These are just consequences of deciding to have an epidural... good things to know about ahead of time if you're trying to make a decision one way or the other.)  The other thing I'll say as far as downsides to the epidural (for anyone trying to weigh their options) is, of course, there are risks to the procedure.  It can be done incorrectly, and in rarer cases can result in ongoing pain or loss of bladder control, nerve damage, infection, or bleeding.  More commonly, the side effects include a next-day headache and a next-several-days backache at the epidural site (both of which I experienced.)  I also have had a very sore left arm for several days, as a result of the IV they gave me in my arm.  (This is not related to the epidural, but it is relevant if you're deciding which medical interventions to allow and which to decline. In past deliveries I have had an IV port put in, but did not receive IV fluids, because I preferred to move freely around the room and not be bothered by an IV.  This time around I allowed it, simply because I assumed it was more necessary if I was getting an epidural.)  

As far as pluses to getting an epidural this time around, I will say I still liked that I completed most of the labor on my own and at home, and that I had had the experience of two past non-medicated deliveries to draw from, because I believe that allowed me to use the epidural as a tool to aide the process while still allowing it to carry out naturally... rather than the epidural being something that hindered the process, slowed my progress, or disconnected me from what I was feeling and what my body needed me to do participation-wise.  It took the edge off for the final stages and allowed me to relax, while still being very present and connected to my body.  And actually I think I can thank the epidural for calming me enough to give me the presence of mind to slow down on that last push to prevent tearing.  So that's wonderful!

All in all, I hope the "moral" of this birth story is that you have so many options as a birthing mama, and the more you learn and prepare, the more options you have! Learning about birth beforehand, reading about the process (how amazing your body is and what it is capable of!), not fearing birth as something scary you cannot handle but embracing it.  I believe in those things!  I also want you to hear me say that no one is in charge of your birth but YOU.  I think it is nonsense that many moms are told they can't have water or a snack, or that they have to lie flat on their back the entire time, or that if baby is late "it's time to induce", etc.  Those things only become true as you pile on more medical interventions.  (Once you turn the labor over into that kind of unknown territory, you reliquish rights to carry out your labor in your own way... which is why knowing ahead of time that those things are options and not requirements is so helpful!)   For me, this time around, I decided to exercise my option to have an epidural at the end of my delivery.  One thing I've loved about my first two (un-medicated) deliveries was how they gave me the unique opportunity to learn my own strength and feel that amazing euphoric victory of a battle hard-fought.  (No other experience in my life has done that nearly as vividly.)  It's an experience I encourage everyone to consider giving yourself.  But something I learned from this delivery is that it's ok not to feel strong and invincible all the time. (I tend to want to be strong and in control all the time... so to feel weak and unprepared and vulnerable was hard for me, but that ok.  It's ok.)  

God watched over Kal's passage into this world SO sweetly.  He gave us a perfect day with our family as I worked through the earliest stages of labor... he granted us the gift of our girls going to sleep without drama... and he answered my prayer for a few moments of rest and calm at the hospital when things got more intense than I was ready for.   And best of all, he brought Kal out into the world kicking and screaming and PERFECT in every way.  I'll never understand how it's possible we could be so blessed as to have three perfectly healthy babies.  Good gracious, our Lord is good... too good to comprehend.

Thank you for the love and support you've poured out to us and the interest you all have shown in hearing about our birth experience this time around.  Be blessed!!

-Carissa

Ava, 9 weeks - Elsa, 2 years + 4 months

Well dangit, I stink at keeping up with journaling about my children!  Not sure why that is... I reeeeally want to remember the cute things they do and say when they're little.  But it's tough to set aside time for yet another thing!  (Especially when I only get an hour or two of free time during the day.)

Let's start with Elsa.  She's just making leaps and bounds with her language.  I love it!

For instance, I've noticed she's started saying things like, "He drinkded the water, Mommy!" and I love that she's trying to figure out how to make things past-tense.  She's also figured out that adding an "apostrophe-s" makes things possessive... and it always cracks me up to hear her say, "No that's MY'S!!!"  No way I'm correcting her.

Another cute thing she did the other day was (as she was pretending to cook with her toys) she said, "I'm makin' dinner for Baby Hudson!"  (He's our cousin's new baby.)  So I asked her, "What are you making him?"  And she said, "Chocolate and yogurt!!"  That made me smile, because I know that those are the two most delicious things she can think of.

Another super-smart thing she said today was.  "Mommy, you got bracelets on your white shirt!"
(This is what I am wearing.)

She struggles with a tendency to be very whiny/fussy.  She LOVES to cry (weird weird weird.)  In fact, over Thanksgiving break, Chris's grandma Rosemary was playing with her and pretended to be sad and cry... then she asked Elsa "Can YOU be sad and cry?"  And Elsa burst into literal, inconsolable tears.  Grandma was so amazed she repeated this two more times after we'd gotten Elsa calmed down (much to my chagrin.)  So that's an interesting quality in my firstborn daughter.  The ability to be very convincingly sad, even when she has no reason to be.  Makes for quite a parental dilemma, because on the one hand, we want to be comforting and empathetic when she's hurting. But on the other hand, we do not want to coddle her when she's just faking it and perpetuate this ridiculous fake-crying nonsense.  It's especially difficult to tell at night whether it's the real "I'm afraid" or "I'm uncomfortable" crying... or the whiny, nonsense crying.  Hmmmm.

Along with crying... Elsa enjoys play-doh, stickers, arranging her stuffed animals and being their mommy, and hugging Ava.  She is nothing but adoring of her baby sister.  Lately she has even started saying things like, "Aaaaava.  I love you SO much!" when she hugs her.  It's just so delightful to me that she is loving, affectionate, and never jealous.

Ok, now for an update on Ava.  She started smiling around 5 weeks.  (Much earlier than Elsa!)  She's generally very happy and sweet, but still has her moments of crying for unexplained reasons sometimes.  I'm sure it's just tummy discomfort.  She now takes Zantac for her reflux... which has been a lifesaver, because it was so bad at first that we couldn't get through a feeding cycle without so much discomfort and spitting up from her.  And that made night feedings such torture.

We moved her out of our room and into the nursery this week.  I think I had had it up to here with sharing a room with babies after the four of us had to share one room over Thanksgiving weekend at Grandma's.  Surprisingly, I find it is no more inconvenient to walk across the house to feed her than if we had her in our room (because I have to go into the kitchen anyway to make a bottle.)  And not only is it no more inconvenient... it's much nicer to do the feeding in her room where I have a cushy glider to sit in!  I really must remember this for future babies.  I don't know why I keep thinking that having them in our room is easier.

She's currently able to stay awake at least an hour at a time before needing to nap again.  And she does SO well on the feeding schedule we've had her on.  Stays awake an hour or so, then sleeps for the next two until her feeding.  Then in the evening I've managed to get her to take a 6:00 bottle and stay awake until nearly 8:00!  (Only if we get her into the bath tub that last hour does this work.)  This gets her nice and tired before nighttime and allows me to feed her one final bottle before going down for the night.  After that feeding, she typically won't wake up for her next one until at least 1:00 am.  So that's a 5-6 hour stretch on average.  Too bad I'm never asleep before midnight.  (Gotta soak up my mama-time!)  After that, she does one more "night feeding" between 4-6am, and gets up for the day around 9:00.  I'm very strict on this because it allows me to line up Elsa and Ava's afternoon naps and get some alone time.

On another note, speaking of future children... my OB has told me that if we want four kids, he would advise we hurry up and have the other two.  He feels that it is urgent, since my genetic mutation also predisposes me to ovarian cancer.  I've planned on having my ovaries removed eventually, I just didn't realize how soon he would want me to do it.  According to him, the sooner the better.  He's decided he wants to do an ultrasound on me every 6 months in the meantime to keep an eye on them.  Talk about pressure!  Tick tock!  I really did not want to have "stairstep babies" one after another.  The idea is quite jarring to me.  So I'm not sure how we'll proceed in the area of family planning... time will tell.

Ok!  Good update, Carissa.  Here are some recent pics of the girls before I sign off. :)

Reflections: Ava at 4 weeks, Elsa at 2 yrs + 3 months

We're about to round the corner on the 4-week mark... Ava's been with us almost one month!

She's been a delightful baby.  She is in a very nice, predictable rhythm that started very early.  I remember her spending most of our hospital stay in a dreamy, drowsy bliss... and we soaked that up and just focused on keeping her little tummy full (but not too full) and enjoying the quiet time with her.  Once home though, I pretty immediately began encouraging "awake time" after each feeding during the day, and that quickly led to a nice pattern of spaced-out feedings, good napping, and nighttime sleepiness for her.  (The same cannot be said for Elsa.  I made the mistake of continuing to set my alarm in 3-hour increments and waking E up for night feedings well into her first month of life.  I definitely blame that for the trouble we had getting her into a good rhythm of nighttime sleep.)  With Ava being Baby #2, I feel like the bit of experience we now have under our belts has really helped us out!  We feel confident about how to address her needs and soothe her when she's upset, confident about the eating and sleeping patterns we want to establish with her... and just overall equipped.  And as a result, we're enjoying a very happy newborn!

One thing I love about the "eat, wake, sleep" method (as opposed to the "eat, sleep, wake" pattern... which often ends up being the default if mom and dad don't purposefully encourage the former) is that we get to enjoy Ava's awake time when her tummy is full and she is the most happy.  She looks around, makes cooing noises, and is very peaceful.  I know that if I were to let her just drift off into a nap immediatley after every feeding, I'd be missing her best (happiest) moments... and I'd have her awake during the moments she was starting to become hungry and fussy.  Instead, she takes good, solid naps during those.

See what I mean?  Full, happy, awake babies are so much fun!

You might recognize "eat, wake, sleep" as a Babywise principle.  It is.  But it's pretty much the only one I adhere to.  I'm not a hardcore Babywise Nazi... I think that parents should snuggle, hold, feed, and enjoy their babies as much as possible while they can... and I think being too hardcore about Babywise can really mess with that when people get too hung up on it.  But one thing I do enjoy is the predictability of knowing that baby is able to eat according to a loose schedule and is able to wait a few hours between feedings instead of every hour or something... that would drive me crazy.

Change of subject: There have been many unexpected perks of not nursing.  It's a lot easier to pull on whatever clothing I want each morning, without having to worry about ease of access to my boobs.  It's also nice that Chris can take charge of various feedings when I need a little break  (on weekends he even takes the 4am shift, woohoo!)  And of course I can vividly remember the painful knots that would form in my mammary glands when I was too engorged with milk... I don't miss that.  And as for the bonding:  I still feel like feedings are a special bonding time with Ava, even without the nursing element.  I still get to hear her sweet noises and be close to her for 20 quiet minutes, multiple times a day.  I'll take it.  No complaints here, except that I wish she could receive 100% breast milk, just for health reasons.

One other funny thing, one night about a week ago, I felt "phantom" let-down pain.  It was the middle of the night and I was feeding Ava a bottle in the dark.  She was making little sucking noises and her head was resting against my left breast, and all of a sudden I felt the "let-down" sensation on that side.  And it stuck around for awhile!  Such an interesting and odd thing... I wonder what the science is behind that?

Another interesting thing about Ava that's different from Elsa... we've discovered that Ava does not prefer the Rock n' Play sleeper/bassinet thingy.  She sleeps much better flat on her back (rather than inclined.)  It's a good thing I'm married to Chris, who is able to scientifically approach problems and suggest solutions.  Ava was acting so fussy and cranky at night when she'd sleep next to our bed in the Rock n' Play... and then she'd nap great in her crib during the day.  It never occurred to me that she might be uncomfortable in the R&P (my brain was just stuck on the fact that Elsa slept so well in it.)  But sure enough, the night we moved her to a pallet flat on our floor, she slept SOOO much better (and longer between feedings!)

Now for a few Elsa reflections.  She is growing so much in these few short weeks since Ava joined us!  What I mean is that she's learning new mannerisms as she shifts from only-child to big sister.  She loves to hold, rock, and burp her stuffed animals now.  She loves to put them down for "tummy time."  She's very intuitive... when Ava cries, she runs to find her a pacifier.  One morning, Ava was crying because she was hungry, so Elsa and I went in to get her up.  Elsa leaned over the bassinet and started saying something to Ava, and when I got closer I realized she was saying, "I knnnoooowwwww... I knnnoooowwwww."  (Which I realized is something I say to Ava when she is upset.)  How funny that Elsa noticed it and was trying to use the same phrase!  I'm noticing that Elsa takes her cues from me and Chris about lots of things.  She holds both Ava's cheeks and gives her big juicy kisses and says things like, "That's my baby sister!" which I can only guess she gets from watching/listening to us.

Another Elsa reflection (not necessarily Ava-related) is her intuition/perceptiveness.  She picks up on EVERYthing.  (Maybe this trait is common to all toddlers, but I feel like Elsa is especially perceptive.)  If you are three rooms away and you stub your toe and inhale sharply, she calls out "WHAT HAPPENED?!?" from the other room.  If you say, 'Aw man!" under your breath, she'll stop what she's doing and say, "Are you okaaaay?"  It never fails.

One more thing I want to remember about Elsa.  She loves to dance!  Loves it!  She gets so excited when music of any kind starts playing, because that's her cue to start turning in circles.  I definitely want to enroll her in a dance class when she turns 3. :)

So anyway, we're slowly getting the hang of life these days.  I feel a bit cabin feverish, because I've only recently turned a corner in my recovery and felt good enough to move around more freely without pain/irritation "down there."  Another reason for my cabin fever is my own hermit-like tendancies... I usually think it's way too much trouble to bother with getting diaper bags packed up, and both babies dressed and in carseats to go somewhere, hence we've gone practically nowhere.  It's a double-edged sword because going nowhere is starting to drive me crazy... but going out isn't appealing when it involves so much hassle (and also screwing with Ava's awake/asleep time.)  Speaking of cabin fever, Chris is going to stay home with the girls tonight so that I can enjoy going out to dinner with friends.  Looking forward to that!

#Sisterz

So Elsa LOOOOOOOVES Ava.  :)

For the entire 6 months of my pregnancy that we weren't keeping it a secret... Elsa has been excited for Ava's birth in increasing degrees.  Naturally, at first she had no clue what was going on, since she was still somewhat a baby herself and also since I looked no different.  But as my belly grew and Elsa's understanding grew along with it, she began to show more and more signs that she "got it."  I think it helped a ton that Elsa recently took an interest in reading her baby book.  She wanted to read it nearly every day during the last few months of my pregnancy, so it was a perfect opportunity to compare.  "See?  Here YOU are the day Mommy pushed you out of my tummy at the hospital.  That's what it's going to be like with Baby Ava." etc.  We told her all the time how Baby Ava would be born at the hospital just like she was.  We prepared her that when it was time for Baby Ava to be born, she'd go play with Pop and Casey (those are her shortened names for Papa Casey and Mama Casey), and then come visit Baby Ava and hold her at the hospital.  We also reminded her pretty frequently that Baby Ava would probably cry a lot and that that was OK.  We would just give Elsa things to practice saying/doing, like saying, "It's okay" when Ava cries, or hugging her and kissing her to make her feel better.  We also got a lot of good practice opportunities with new babies at church.  There have been a few born recently and when we were around them, Elsa would always ask to hold them.  (A good sign, I thought!)  Most of their mommies were sweet enough to allow it, so we'd hold the babies and practice saying "It's okaaaay" if they got upset, etc.   I could tell already that she was going to love having a sister, because she would just shower those babies with endless hugs, kisses and sweet pats.

I've certainly had my doubts too though.  Elsa has been (no question) the center of my attention every day for her entire life.  And I would have it no other way.  We have had the sweetest two years imaginable together.  I love being her Mommy and watching her learn, grow, and play everyday.  So I figured there'd be a fair amount of jealousy along with the infatuation.  So far so good though...

As I said in Ava's birth story, I was blessed to have about 45 minutes alone with Elsa the morning I went into labor.  I was having semi-painful contractions, so we were waiting for Suzanne and Chris to arrive at the house before heading to the hospital.  It was a good chance to be with Elsa and prepare her for the day.  I told her it was time for me to go to the hospital and have Baby Ava.  She seemed totally on board with that plan, since we'd discussed it about a hundred times.  She was excited that Mama Casey was headed to our house to play with her... and excited that she'd get to go hold Baby Ava at the hospital soon.

So, fast forward to that evening.  Ava was born shortly before 3pm, and we spent the next 3 hours leisurely hanging out in our labor & delivery room before moving to the recovery hall.  Warren, Suzanne, & Elsa went to Zaxby's for dinner and arrived to see us around 6.  And, as predicted, Elsa was eager to climb onto the bed with me and hold her baby sister.  She immediately started caressing her soft little cheeks and kissing them (and her lips, and head, and everywhere.)  We asked, "Who is this?" and she said, "That's Baby Ava" :)... and she even would say things like, "She's so cuuuuute."  (How does she know that?)  Also a couple times she said funny things like, "I'm being gentle, Pop."  (And truthfully, she was very good about being gentle with Ava.  I wasn't worried at all on that front.)

She wanted to hold Ava nonstop.  It was sooo sweet.  After we transferred all our stuff into the recovery room, she sat with me again and held her again, and again just showered her with affection.  At one point, she said, "Casey, will you hold Baby Ava?"  We laughed at that one!  And then as soon as Suzanne took Ava, Elsa wanted to get down immediately and go sit by Suzanne so that she could be right there by Ava.

A few other cute moments:

Elsa spent the weekend in Searcy with her grandparents so that Chris and I could get settled in at home with Ava.  But we Face-timed with her Saturday night. :)  She was kissing the phone nonstop and cupping her hands together asking to hold Ava through the screen. Haha!  And when they brought her home to us Sunday, she ran up the sidewalk talking about "going to Baby Ava's house."  Again, she was excited to hold her.  And of course she was thrilled when we let her give Ava her bottle.  Mama Casey got that on video.

And the next few days have pretty much been more of the same.  Elsa gets very excited when I tell her it's time to go get Ava up from her nap or feed her a bottle.  She loves holding her, kissing her, holding her hand, and touching her skin.  She's always prepared to say, "It's okaaaaay" when Ava cries.  She points out everything Ava does, "She sticked out her tongue!  She burped!"  Sometimes it's really funny watching her try to plant a kiss somewhere specific on Ava, since Ava is usually flopping her head this way and that or rooting off to the side.  Elsa tries to turn Ava's head in for a kiss, and Ava just goes rooting for her hand.  Her little neck is stronger than it looks, so she doesn't always make it easy on Elsa!

One negative note: Elsa did actually have an accident in her panties today... don't they always say toddlers do that when they get a new sibling?  But I'm not too worried.  I think it had much less to do with jealousy or regression and much more to do with her being too excited/distracted to go potty in the bathroom.

I took a really cute video of them together last night when Elsa first got here... :)  I know I'll be glad to have that.

Ava's Birth: Part 2

...Once they wheeled me into our labor & delivery room and we met our nurse, we had a moment alone while she went to gather some paperwork, and I got a bit emotional (as I knew I would.)  It just felt very significant to me that we had learned we were pregnant with Ava the morning of my Dad's funeral... and now here we were about to deliver her.  It felt like the real ending of his life in a way.  Up til now, that pregnancy kinda linked me to him because, even though during his last days he didn't know she was in there, she was, and she was his grandbaby.  He wouldn't get to meet her... she wouldn't get to meet him... but they had co-existed on this Earth for a brief time, unaware of one another.  And now the 9 months were over.  I don't know... it was just hard.  And I knew it would be.

Anyway, after that, the nurse strapped a monitor onto my belly and Ava's heartbeat was nice and steady.  She also took some blood from me and sent it to the lab, and she checked my cervix.  I was at a 6, woohoo!  (But on the downside, it was SO uncomfortable having my cervix checked... I knew I wanted to do that as minimally as possible that day.)  My contractions were still a regular 5 minutes apart... and decently bearable as long as I could sit on my exercise ball.  I changed into a gown and we just worked through the contractions as peacefully as possible for the next few hours.

My sweet husband french braided my hair that morning to keep it out of my face.  He is so talented! :)

Harrison and Kelly arrived not long after that and stayed in the room with me and Chris for the whole birth! (What a blessing to have them both there.)  Those few hours were quite peaceful, like I said.  The contractions definitely intensified, but I felt so much relief while on the ball compared to any other position, that sometimes I wondered whether I was really progressing.  My water still hadn't broken and they had kept on at a pace of 5 minutes apart for quite awhile.  My nurse was very helpful, in that she allowed me to completely "do my thing" during that whole time and there was never any feeling of pressure about how this thing "should" be going.  Anytime I expressed my nerves about why my water hadn't broken yet or why my contractions weren't speeding up, she and Chris would remind me that everything was happening just right.  (And to tell the truth, all I had to do to reassure myself that this labor was, in fact, progressing, was try and stand through a contraction.  The increased discomfort compared to when I was squatted down on the ball was enough to remind me that things were definitely moving along!  Just something about that ball relieved enough pressure to make the contractions more bearable.)

I had expressed to the nurse early on that I wanted to be much more patient this time around about when I started pushing.  (I believe I started much too early when delivering Elsa… and the pushing was the most difficult part of that experience the first time.  It took a loooong time, and it felt very unproductive at times.  I had read that pushing can actually feel like quite a relief if you wait until you’re really ready, so that’s what I was hoping for this time.)  But honestly, it was a bit confusing trying to clearly identify that “urge to push.”  There were lots of moments I felt intense pelvic pressure and would ask, “Do you think that means I’m ready to push?”  Of course, it would have made it a lot easier to tell if I’d been more willing to let the nurse check my cervix… but I was very opposed (haha!)… it was just soo uncomfortable to me.  Plus it almost always caused me to have a contraction right after.  At one point, she promised me she could check me in two seconds or less, so I let her, and she said I was around an 8.  Not quite ready to push yet.  Ok… so we kept plodding through contractions, which were definitely intensifying.  I got to the point where being squatted down on the ball was getting too tiring for my legs and hips.  (Plus I was getting sleepy.)  I SO wanted to curl up on the bed, but it just was NOT a workable position during the contractions.  So for those last few centimeters, I sat on the bed kinda cross-legged and would hold Chris’s hands and sort of rock/sway through the contractions while the nurse supported my back. 

I also remember that during this time I requested some Zofran and some sort of drink to calm my heartburn (which was still raging, like it has done the whole pregnancy.)  It was around the time I drank that heartburn drink that I threw up just a bit.  (It could’ve been from the drink, but I think it was just the natural next step of labor.)

I remember that during this whole portion of the labor, I felt pretty impatient.  When laboring with Elsa… I had spent all this time gearing up for the labor experience and had no idea what it would be like afterward.  So in a sense, it was easy to devote my mental energy to the task at hand.  But this time, with Ava, I kept inwardly longing for “the end” because I knew it meant relaxing in my recovery room and holding my sweet baby.  I think it was just much harder to be patient and work through the labor part because I was so ready to get to the other side.

Ok, so finally we’re getting to the finish line.  I continued to deal with contractions sitting up on the bed and I could tell they were finally coming more frequently (like every 2-3 minutes.)  I was having to groan deeply during them instead of just breathing.  It was around this point that the nurse mentioned that she had noticed my cervix seemed to be directed a bit “posterior” when she had checked me and I was an 8, a bit earlier.  She said, “If you can bear it… I think it would help to lean forward or get on all fours, to help her shift forward a bit.”  So I got on my knees, facing the back of the bed, and held on to the headboard thing.  The contractions felt SOOO much worse in that position, uggh… I honestly feel like this is where things started to get craaazaay.  But I wanted to stay in that position since she thought it would be helpful.

I again questioned whether it might be time to push, and since the nurse knew I didn’t want her to keep checking my cervix, she suggested I try pushing lightly during the next few contractions and see if it felt good to me.  It did!  Not great… but much better than trying not to.  So when I told her that, she thought it’d be a good idea to check my cervix before calling for the doctor.  I didn’t want her to, so I kinda started pushing  “in secret” during the next few contractions, without telling her I was doing it.  Sneaky me!

Well sure enough, after just a few contractions with me lightly pushing, my water broke.  I actually thought I was just peeing, so I was calling out apologies to the room behind me… but Chris and the nurse both said, “Nope, we’re pretty sure that was just your water breaking.”  “Finally” I thought, “We can get this ball rolling!”  And indeed we did.  The contractions got even more intense and I told the nurse, “I’m pushing!”  (And I kid you not… these few moments stand out to me more than any others of the day.  The contractions were so intense, I felt like that girl from The Ring, freakily climbing up the well, only I was climbing my hospital bed.)   My nurse  hurried to call the doctor in, and in the meantime they scooted another doctor in there to be ready, just in case Dr. Brenniman didn’t make it on time.  The doctor told me to go ahead and try to turn around so that I could get my feet into the stirrups and push more efficiently.  I let out a few screams during the next contraction/push and Chris told me, “You’ll get a lot more power out of a push if you don’t scream out all your energy” (or something like that.)  So I called up my knowledge from the last birth and told myself to hold my breath and bear down good and hard during those pushes.  And then during my breaks I went ahead and let out a few good screams.

Dr. Brenniman got in there in time, and I only had to push 5 times or so (compared to over an hour with Elsa… yay!)  And it was so wonderful because even though it was crazy intense, I could tell that these pushes were actually doing something!  I was pushing with my contractions (unlike with Elsa, where I was kinda just pushing aimlessly.)  And when Dr. Brenniman would say, “Keep coming with that one… it’s working!” I could tell that it was, and so it made me want to keep pushing even though it’s such an extreme force of energy and it’s so hard to keep going.

So yeah, five or so really good push sessions, and WooHoo! her head was out!  I could tell right away that I had torn though (bummer!) and I was kinda hung up on that and had stopped pushing.  But the doctor told me I needed to push out the rest of her, so I did. J  And she was bright pink and screaming beautifully, right from the start.  Her head was really nice and round, and she looked SO tiny.  (But she wasn’t, she was 7 lbs. 10 oz.  Bigger than Elsa was!)  She was born at 2:41pm.  And what a feeling in the room!  Chris was spontaneously laughing and crying at the same time, Harrison was laughing, Kelly was crying, and I was just thinking, “Yay! I did it! I’m done! She’s here!”

They gave her to me for some skin-on-skin time, and she continued to exercise those awesome lungs!  I could really feel the pain in my “bottom” area… even the whole time the doctor was stitching me up (even with the Lidocaine!)  The reason for this was that, unfortunately, Ava had had a hand up by her face during the whole delivery, and that extra diameter (in addition to her head coming out) is what cause me to tear (off to the side a bit… Owee, not fun!)

So although it was wonderful to be holding her and loving on her… it was also pretty rough to be feeling so much more pain from the “aftermath.”  During that time, I took some pain medication through my IV to help with that, but it didn’t really kick in well for about half an hour.  Also during that time, my legs were shaking pretty violently, although I didn’t really feel cold.  The doctor told me it was a totally normal reaction, due to hormones.  (Weird.  I don’t remember it happening with Elsa.)

And from there it was just awesome!  We hung out in the room together, held Ava, took pictures of her, eventually weighed her and cleaned her up a bit.  And we weren’t rushed into the recovery room for quite awhile.  There were some other (more stressful) situations happening on the floor at the time and my nurse had gotten called into the OR to help with a surgery.  So we were free to just hang out for a few hours in our room with our new little one!

A few visitors came in to see us (and Ava) during that time.  Also, I couldn’t stop just re-living the past few hours in my mind.  I wanted to know what moments really stood out to Harrison, especially.  And I personally just couldn’t stop re-living those last few stages of the labor (from around the time my water broke, onward.)  It was just so intense… I couldn’t quite move on mentally.  I was pretty amped up.

Warren, Suzanne and Elsa showed up a little after 6:00, just in time to help us get all our stuff transferred over to the recovery room.  (But I think I want to save all my recollections about Elsa and Ava's first meeting for another post.)

Ok, so technically I guess Ava’s “birth story” ends there, but I have to also note that throughout this day, my cousin Emily (who was due just a few days before me) also went into labor and came to the hospital!  She even came into our recovery room (while in early/active labor!) to visit with us a bit, because she was waiting to progress a bit more before they admitted her.  She ended up having her baby the same night (although it was 13 minutes after midnight, so the cousin-babies have different birthdays.)  And then we were next-door to each other in the recovery hall.  It was SOOO cool!  We couldn’t have planned it better if we tried.

All in all, like I said, the day was so blessed.  My hopes for the Ava's birth were beyond exceeded.  And even though it was no “walk in the park”… it was GOOD.  We are home now, enjoying doing nothing with our little one.  Elsa will be home from her grandparents' house to join the party tomorrow.  I'll be sure and post again soon to show a few pictures from the day and journal about Elsa and Ava's first meeting... sooo sweet. :)

Ava's Birth: Part 1

Well, we had our baby girl!!

I feel so blessed to be able to say that we had another intimate, complication-free, natural birth experience exactly in accordance with my plans and wishes.  I have no idea how much of that is due to the sheer grace of God, happenstance, or my own mindset going into the day.  I do believe each of those things is a key factor though.  I've talked (to the point of annoying some people) about how important I think the mind/body connection is when a mom is preparing for and going through labor.  Fear, anxiety, and tension absolutely affect the progression and success of her birth experience.  But at the same time, I also know that sometimes there are just variables that change things up... even when mom's mindset is spot-on.  The circumstances of every birth are unique.  And then, of course, I also fully believe that God is active in this world of his... That his plans and purposes are being carried out both in the big picture, and in the tiniest details of our day-to-day lives.  I do not understand why he would grace us with safe passage of our little one into this outside world, and yet allow another friend to experience loss or complication.  Just like I do not understand why it was time for my Dad's life to end this past January.  I have no answers to these questions... just humble gratitude for the grace God showed us yesterday in gifting us with another healthy little girl and making her birthday so sweet and stress-free.

So here's the scoop:

Ava was due October 7th (on a Tuesday), but seeing as Elsa came a week early, it was quite a toss-up whether Ava would be a September or October baby.  Chris and I were hoping for October... so for the last few days of September I kept my activity level extremely low.  Not much walking, lifting, or hanky-panky (haha!)  Once we got into October, we relaxed a little... but were still hoping Ava would hold off until after Thursday the 2nd, because we had a fun date night planned as a final Hurrah! ;)

Well, wouldn't ya know it... that date night just wasn't meant to be.  Wednesday night Oct 1st, I went to bed just feeling a bit different.  For one thing, my bladder was extremely overactive... I was settling into bed with a book, but I kept having to get up and pee (like every 15 minutes.)  I thought that was strange.  I also felt like Ava's movements were strange.  They felt much lower and more insistent.  I had not had a single painful contraction yet (in all 39 weeks)... but something about the pressure in my pelvis that night and in her movements felt different to me.

I got a full night's sleep (yay!) but I vaguely remember being awakened here and there by contractions.  They were not painful enough to rouse me fully from slumber, just painful enough that I remember thinking, "Hmmm... I'm actually feeling these.  Wonder if today's the day?"  They finally got intense enough to fully wake me up around 5am or so.  I paid attention to them for the next hour and decided at that point to get up and shower... reasoning that if they subsided, I'd just go about my day as planned, and if they kept going, then at least I'd be clean and fresh before heading to the hospital.

After my shower, I put on a bit of makeup (since I felt up to it!) but tried to keep it light since I figured I could end up sweating/smearing it all into a mess later and that would be worse than having none in the first place!  When the contractions were still happening after my shower (6:45 or so), I decided to text my mother-in-law and asked her to come a little sooner than she had planned, since I was having semi-regular, and fairly painful contractions. (She was going to arrive at my house by 9:30 to watch Elsa during my 39 week prenatal appointment.)  She texted back that she'd be here by 9:00.  Perfect!  Again, I thought, if this turns out to be nothing, we'll just continue the plans of the day... but if it's labor then I know she's on the way.

I also texted Harrison and Kelly (my brother and sister-in-law) and told them to be watching their phones in case today was the day.

The next dilemma was what Chris should do.  It was a surgery day and the hospital he operates at is only 10 minutes from our house.  He had all the pre-operative paperwork for the day in his car... so at the very least, he needed to go drop it off.  But I was still not sure this was officially labor.  So I told him to head on to work and make sure a nurse could answer his phone if I called him.

7:00-9:00am was a really nice time.  I reminded myself that there was no rush to get to the hospital... the plan there would be the same as the plan here... relax and work through the contractions and help bring this baby into the world!  From about 7:00-8:00 I stayed in our room, breathing through my contractions and recording how often they came (about 5 minutes apart.)  I found that it relieved a TON of pressure to sit on our exercise ball and sway/bounce a bit as I breathed through each contraction, so that's what I did.  I also ate a bit of breakfast (alriiight!) and read my bible during that time.  I thought, "I'll read a bible story about childbirth..." but the only one I could think of was the birth of Jesus, so that's what I read.  I found myself really wishing the scripture had included more detail about Mary's labor and delivery!! (Haha!)

Close to 8am, I texted Chris to say that my contractions were consistently 5 minutes apart and staying pretty intense.  I told him he should plan to come on home because I didn't think I could drive myself to my doctor appointment.  He called me back and told me to call the clinic and get their opinion... Did they want me to come in for  my appointment and get checked, or head straight to the hospital and skip my appointment?  So I called them.  The nurse I spoke with (judging by how my contractions sounded during our phone conversation) said that I could do either... come to the clinic first, or go straight to the hospital.  I told her I'd let her know within the hour which it would be.

Around that time, Elsa woke up.  She's very good about staying in her bed until I come to get her in the mornings, so I watched her on the monitor singing and playing for 15 minutes or so.  I really wanted to go in and spend some time just the two of us before the day got too crazy, but before doing that I texted Suzanne to make sure she was close.  (I knew I didn't want to freak Elsa out if my contractions continued to intensify and it took much longer for Suzanne and Chris to get there.)  But luckily, Suzanne guessed she'd arrive at my house within half an hour.  So I rolled my little workout ball into Elsa's room. :)   We hugged and snuggled and she played around with her toys in her room.  Each time a contraction would come, I'd make sure to keep my face relaxed and non-scary and just focus and breathe, and Elsa would stay really still and wait for me to finish.  She told me, "Mommy's doing a 'breathe'" after I'd had a few contractions, so I went with that term and would tell her each time I was about to have a contraction, that Mommy needed to do a "breathe."  I was sooooo glad we got to spend that time together, just the two of us.  I made sure to tell her, "Today I'm going to go to the hospital and push Baby Ava out of my tummy!"  She was totally on board with that, since we've discussed this so many times leading up to that day.  She was excited that soon she'd get to hold her baby sister and tell her, "It's okaaaay..." if she started crying. :)  Also a funny memory, she really wanted to "color" like I was "coloring"... (I was writing down the timing of my contractions on a notepad.)

Close to 9am, I felt I could safely say there was no need to go to the 39 week appointment at the clinic... this was labor.  I called the doctor's office to tell them, and the nurse agreed with me.  Then I called the Labor & Delivery unit to tell them we were headed their way and to request a nurse who was comfortable and experienced attending a natural childbirth.  I also texted my siblings that today was the day. :)  Around that time, Suzanne and Chris both arrived and proceeded to load up the car with our bags, the baby carseat, etc.  Elsa was excited to see Mama Casey, and excited about breakfast!  We kissed and hugged her goodbye and told her we were so excited that Baby Ava would be born today!  I'm just SO thankful that the morning was fun and anticipatory for her... not stressful or scary.  I tried to time my own final preparations between contractions, because it was much less bearable to deal with them when I was off the exercise ball.  In fact, I was nervous about how I'd get through that car ride to the hospital with no ball to sit on.  I ended up climbing into the back seat and facing backward (on my knees) for the car ride.  It wasn't fun, but it was doable.

Once we parked and started the trek into the labor and delivery unit, my contractions sped up a bit (probably from the walking)... so it was kinda funny, me walking through the parking garage with a duffle bag and exercise ball, and Chris loaded down with all our other stuff.  I could walk normally between contractions, but during them I slowed down to a snail's pace and would just breathe through them.  At one point I seriously contemplated leaning against another car to get through a contraction, but that thought grossed me out so I just walked really slowly instead.  Once we got inside, a nurse noticed us and brought me a wheelchair.  It was gray and drizzly outside, and I remember just taking note of that in the moment....

Click here for Part 2.