Well, I've been having some big thoughts in the past fews days concerning the big issues of my life. Food, friends, the future. Ooooh, the Three Fs. That's a cool name. Maybe I could add "freedom" to that list as well, or the pursuit of it anyway.
So I've been having some big thoughts concerning all those things. Let's see if I can get them on here. For one: Lisa Ford told me last night that she believes I am really learning what its going to mean for my life to abide with him... to take things that come to me minute by minute and day by the and release the control that i cling to with such tight fingers. Food is just one area of my life where i demand and take pleasure in control. And it's the area that's bringing me to my knees over and over again because it doesn't work for me to have the control. And as God teaches me to release control over food matters, I'm going to be benefitting in EVERY area... it will permeate so many things... that releasing of the control.
Another very good thought. God created food. He created it to nourish us, but he went further in all his goodness to give us nourishment that also brings us pleasure. He did this with so many things. With food, with sex, with the gifts we possess to use to worship him (like singing, say...) But Satan loves to steal those things and destroy them. He does it all the time. And when I was praying with Lisa last night, she said, "Lord please claim food back. Remove it from the camp of the enemy." Wow.
And the thing I mentioned two days ago... about how can I concretely feel that Jesus is truly going before me in battle? that im not fighting with my own strength. And that answer of standing and wearing the armor. And so right now I am wearing the armor. Obviously as Christians we like to think we are figuratively armed at all times with these things, but i have it written on my body. The word "truth" is on my stomach. Funny that the belt of truth sits right where the battle seems to wage the strongest with me. That spot where I take in the food. And the word "Righteousness" is written on my chest (small). The word "Salvation" is written (probably backwards) in my hair. And my left foot says "Readiness of" while my right foot says "Gospel of Peace." I still dont feel like I fully grasp the possibility that Christ battles FOR me.... but I'm trying to SEE myself wearing that armor. Oh yeah, my thumb says "Spirit," where I would hold a sword. hmmmmmmm.
And another big thought. When I am weak, he is strong. I know this. But on the days I rate as "BAD"... the days where I've been out of control. These are the days where I see the truth that I don't get by on my own power. If I have a good day, a "successful" day, where I manage not to lose control. I congratulate myself. I thank God. "Good job Carissa. Thanks for helping me, Lord." But this is false. Apart from him I have nothing. His power is the only power there is. I lose sight of that when I seem to be getting by on my own might.
So... what am I grateful for?
-I'm thankful to be WHERE I AM, rather than where I was.
-I'm thankful that my finals are almost over.
-I'm thankful for the weekend of wedding celebration I'm about to have.
-I'm thankful that I have a really comfortable bed.
-thankful that I had so much less to pack up this semester (i didnt have as long here for it all to accumulate... thank you Chile.)
-thankful that I have a healthy level of cholesterol. (got it checked this morning, 120)
-thankful that its LOST day.
Of course I'm thankful for tons more stuff... but that's the stuff thats specific to today.
Ok bye