A fine day

Today I babysat from 8:00 to 1:00 pm and then went back to the same house again from 5:00 to 9:00. At one point during the morning, Jackson was taking a nap and so I read this book the "Body for Life." Man, I read it and was all fired up about how easy and fun it can be to eat the right foods in the right amounts in the right combinations at the right times! And then 30 minutes later you'd have found me sitting at home in my living room eating raw cookie dough, two bowls of ice cream, cake straight out of the pan, nachos, cereal... no joke. All of that. I was telling one of my friends tonight... I don't know why but I just have these "freak-outs." It's like I'm sitting on my couch with four hours stretching before me with nothing to do and nobody home and all I want to do is eat every single thing I can think of. That temptation makes no sense to me. I'm operating as though if I don't eat every single thing I like right then, I'll never again have the chance. It's so crazy.
In other news... I actually didn't mind babysitting today. And it was for two little boys! And i actually played what they were playing (sidewalk chalk) and didn't feel bored out of my mind. I also re-watched Pirates 2 so that I can understand the third one if and when I decide to see it. And I worked on my drawing a bit. And went for a walk. It wasn't a bad day. That's the funny thing. These bad eating days aren't ruining my life anymore (which I suppose is a very good thing.) I'm just stumped by them. Why do I want so badly to overeat? Why so often?
I have my theories about the answers to those questions. But in the end... I still just say, "Why can't I just have a NORMAL relationship with food?" And no answer comes.
Wow, I have one of those "underground zits" forming on my nose of all places. (that never happens to me... the nose i mean. im mostly a chin and forehead zit kinda girl) and i can't stop touching it. you know how that is? you just keep reaching up to feel it and because its "underground" you can't feel exactly where its boundaries are but from the feel of it the thing is freakin' huge. dang it.