Monday, Oct. 6
I’m channeling Miss Esme from the book I’m reading. I’ve realized many times over that writing is one of those things I NEED to do. I need my outlet of proccessing things in written form. I write how I wish I could talk. More wordy, more witty, more “me” because I’m not altering and editing as we all do when our words are directed at a specific someone.
I think that even though I’ve thus far struggled hugely to drag myself to work each day, I will wish I had written down the many things that happen day to day that bring me joy. I also know that I’ve learned much from reading back over past hurts. I feel many hurts these days, and maybe it will be good to be reminded of them someday. (Though I don’t doubt reading back over them will be AS painful as it was to read back over the anals of my eating disorder or my mourning the loss of a certain someone's affections. Hard stuff... hard to re-live.)
I’m in my ESL classroom and havent bought new ink for my printer. Instead, I’ve been indenting everything 2.6 inches over to avoid the huge white streak on the left side of the papers I try to print. I need to get ink. But I’m afraid because I don’t know how to replace the cartridge (or pick out the right one at the store for that matter.)
Story of my life, folks. I’m afraid. Its why I’m the child that NEVER broke a bone. You wouldn’t have caught me attempting to do some flip off a table or riding my bike fast enough down a hill that a fall would have damaged me. I’ve truly lived this life in fear of the things I cannot do. Its playing out in a very real way right now.
But lets not get into it. For today, God is faithfully holding me up. I’m surrounded by extreme prayer at the moment, from all corners. It was a pretty emotional weekend.
I just changed the picture on my phone. Before this one (a lovely shot of Christy's, and kelli’s and my pumkpins in christy’s trunk) it was a picture of my white board here in the ESL classroom. On it was written the following shapes in what proud-as-can-be Juan believed to be English (based solely on how we’ve been pronouncing them with our flashcards.)
O - Circo
◊ - Deimant
0 - Obal
▓ - Rectango
Precious.
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