Did I believe I would make it this far when I was contemplating quitting back in October? No. Funny. I also had no idea back then that C (I won't use full names to avoid popping up on someone's google search) would blow in with the wind and completely alter for the better all my hopes, plans, and current coping strategies.
I’m sitting in my ESL room on a blessed Thursday (blessed because this is my prep. period for ESL wherein I do not see my pull-out students since they only come to me on Mon. Wed. and Fri.) This mini-break is something I treasure. It helps me get up and come here on Tuesdays and Thursday because it’s a point in the week I can use as a little “end of the tunnel.” Something bright to “make it to.”
Mostly I just love the alone time. It’s quiet and I can spend it how I like it. I can make my copies, or answer my e-mails, or call parents, or prep something to do in the afternoons with Juan and Manuel. But I can also research job opportunities, or buy Christmas gifts online, or read, or sit and text.
Certain students have really weaseled their way into my heart. M.S. (we'll call him Roberto) with his constant hoodie and white-boy-talkin’-like-a-rapper attitude. He’s got ADHD and is generally distracting but he’s also sweet, tries his best for the most part, and keeps a smile on that face. He likes to joke with me and he LOVES Manuel who has joined my 4th period class as a teacher’s aide. Except when Roberto says Manuel’s name, he pronounces it like “Mah-whel” in a black voice. He says, “Aw… Miz Dale ah’ wont mah portner ta be Mah-WHEL!” I think Manuel loves him too.
Or this morning (next day… btw… Friday) this senior guy in Mr. Love’s second period class was standing out on the ramp that leads to our classrooms. I’m walking past the trailer to my car to go to the middle school and he says, “Miss Dale, when I graduate I’m taking you out to eat.” I laughed and made light of it saying it would be a celebration of him graduating. But I really don’t mind it because he’s always very sweet and respectful to me and I feel like he’s more a peer than anything (probably because he’s Mallory’s age.) He’s the biggest hick ever. Another endearing quality… some of these kids’ ridiculous personalities are just too much.
I’ve been feeling "in a funk" lately, just about life. What course is it taking? Where will I be and will I like life better in the coming year? Where are things headed with C? We’re in this weird phase in my opinion, past the point I usually don’t make it through and I’m still happy to be here... but with a little of the "newness" gone, you notice that you don’t always have much to say on the phone. Or that you don’t do all the same things for fun. And that sometimes when you don’t have a good plan for what to do when you’re together “just being together” isn’t as sufficient as often. Totally normal. Nothing you’d even notice if it was happening with a friend or roommate. But with a boyfriend it puts you in a funk (or me anyway.)
I'm also seeing just how different guys and girls are. He thinks it’s silly or drama-loving that I care about other people’s relationships and I think its unromantic that he wouldn’t want to read the sweet card Tristan wrote to Monica. To me, it indicates that he doesn’t see the same value I do in the giving of flowers or the expressing of feelings in a card. I guess its possible he sees that stuff as either cliché or a waste of money… but its more likely that he just sees it as nothing or never thought of it before. I like to understand people… dig into their brains and learn about how they think and feel. I think he wants to know how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking as it pertains to matters of some importance, but probably isn’t just generally curious and looking for windows into people’s souls as much as I am. That’s ok. I’m a girl. I just don’t like times where we have nothing to talk about because it means I end up talking about things that matter a lot to me, and not at all to him. Like clothes or the card Tristan wrote Monica. I don’t know.
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