Whoa! My last post was Tuesday... sorry guys, I know you're all dying out there in bloggerland without me. Honestly, I felt like I had just written on here and I was sure it was getting boring for anyone reading. Seriously... I could have sworn I'd posted since then.
Guess not. Which means there's a lot to catch y'all up on. Basically, for some very odd reason, I have been SUCH a loner lately. I can't explain why but the last few weeks I have felt like all the energy is just sucked out of me completely. And it feels like its getting sucked out by people. Not specific people (ok that's partially a lie) but more like the sheer masses of people that are constantly surrounding me. Classes, chapel, meals... everywhere I go I can't get away from crowds. And despite my fairly outgoing personality, I would NOT describe myself as a "people person." Being around people is work for me. Its draining. Being required to converse if I don't feel like it, or smile when I don't feel like it, or participate in activities when I'd rather be alone in my room... all those things wear me out. And I'm not the kind of person to just grin and bear it. No... if I don't feel like being around people at any given time, I'm perfectly content to just blow off whatever activity I had planned in favor of some nice time in my dorm room. Does that sound loser-ish? That's how I spent my Friday night. And it was fully by choice. I like to be alone! I like doing whatever I feel like doing without having to run it by anyone else. I like not having to explain it to anyone when I sit and eat a salad so big i have to eat it out of a popcorn bowl for dinner. People would find that weird if I did it in the caf. But its nice not to have to explain it. Or anything else I do for that matter. It's nice not to feel watched. Not to say I feel like people are watching me... but its nice to go about your business unobserved.
Here's the thing though. The fact that I like to be alone scares me. I like it so much that I worry I'm pushing away all the people who love me. Or that I will. And I worry that one day twenty years from now I'll wake up one morning and say, "I'm not just alone anymore... I'm lonely." And it'll be too late. I don't ever want to be lonely. I don't ever want to have no one should the need for someone arise.
I don't guess there's too much to worry about just yet. At least that's what I'll tell myself. At any rate... tonight was nice because I broke the recent trend I've established of holing up in my room. I went and hung out with Heather and Alex, and Mer and Becca and David tonight. We cooked dinner, talked, and went for a walk to this playground. It was so much fun because we were trying to accomplish any challenge we could come up with. Squeezing through extremely narrow bars and swinging from one end of the monkey bars to the other end holding only the middle bar. Does that describe it right? Anyway, it was actually good to get out.
Oh yeah, and I set up an e-bay sellers account today to try to sell some text books. probably a horrible idea, because who buys text books right now anyway? and they charge you sellers fees to list items. i totally dont know what im doing.
There are three people on my mind to pray for right now... no, four. Beth on her way to Mexico, Mellisa and her lonliness, Aunt Susan needing money, and Justin in Vegas.