Fear of Commitment

Last night I went out to dinner with three friends who've known me for a long time. They told me I have a fear of commitment. I'd like to explore this possibility, because this was extremely shocking for me to hear.
I'm definitely able to recognize the fact that I can be a "loner" sometimes. And that I haven't had LONG dating relationships (I usually freak out when I start feeling tied down or trapped into one.) But I've never before thought that my state of being merited the generalized title of "Fear of Commitment." After all, I have no problem commiting to other things: a major, a healthy eating plan, friends, taking on responsibilities. And I don't THINK I'd have trouble being commited in a dating relationship as long as the guy was right for me. The problem as I see it, is that thus far the guy hasn't been right for me. And I tend to figure that out pretty quickly. And once, I've figured that out... I'm gone (mentally, emotionally checked out of the relationship.) So naturally I'm not going to sit there and stay in it anyway.
Which brings me to another thought. I think its not-so-normal of me to "figure it out" so quickly (that the guy isn't right.) People are always telling me you have to give someone a chance... let them grow on you. I started thinking about all the reasons I stopped liking my ex-boyfriends. Then I started thinking about all the reasons I'm unattracted to any of my "potential daters" right now... and I had to ask myself, "Are my expectations crazy high?"
Do I expect perfection from guys I'm dating or considering dating? I know I don't expect it of friends or family (maybe thats why I'm so keen on having more friends right now... because I don't expect as much from them.) But with a guy you're considering attatching yourself to, its different. In a way, he represents you... because he represents your choice. You expect more from someone you attatch yourself to romantically because in dating them, you are saying you want to spend more time with them than you would with just a "regular friend." You want to pay them attention you don't pay your regular friends. At the very least, you want to kiss them and hold their hand. That relationship has so many more facets than a normal friendship, so why wouldn't you expect more from that person as far as compatibility and likeableness and attractiveness?
But my question was: Do I expect perfection? And the answer I had to give myself was, "Well... no. But I expect them to at least try as hard to be perfect as I do."
Yikes, I couldn't believe the answer I had just given myself. I'm constantly having to tell myself not to be a perfectionist. I'm always needing the reminder that it's ok to just be "Fair" in a certain area. I'm not entered in any contest that says my teeth have to be the whitest or my body the slammin'est or my grades the highest. But its probably one of the hardest things to keep perspective on. I DO expect all that from myself. If my teeth are lookin' yellow, I'm going to buy Whitestrips. If I've gained weight, I'm going to do something about that. If I don't like my hair, I'm going to do different stuff to it until I like it. And its like I have no mental sympathy for anyone who hasn't at LEAST figured out how to have it all as together as I do. Isn't that horrible?
Here's a very simplified example of what I'm talking about. There are some "flaws" people have that seem to have NO solution. Those I am ok with. Then there are other flaws that other people might have, where the solution might be "out there" but your guess is as good as mine as to what that solution is. I am ok with those as well. But if somebody has a flaw that I have as well... and I have found a way to eliminate that flaw in MY life... then I know the solution is out there and I know what it is. And someone who can't SEE that solution (while perfectly suitable to be my friend) will in no way be someone I want to be "more" with.
I'm not proud of this. I don't think its a good thing. I think its probably a quality about myself that would make ME unsuitable as a choice for someone else to date. People don't need someone like me as a girlfriend if this is how my mind works. :-)
So my heart has been heavy this morning. Not because I'm afraid the right guy will never come along... but because i'm afraid that he WILL and I won't believe he's good enough. And that's scary to me.