Fears

I was struck this morning by a fear (yet again... I feel like I post pretty often conerning my fears.) I was driving in my car behind my brother, who was driving in his car behind my dad, who was leading the way to US Automotive so we could leave my car and dad's truck there for routine maintenance. I had been inwardly complaining about the annoyance of not having a car for the rest of the day. Then suddenly I realized how nice it is that my dad still takes care of me in this area. I may complain about paying gas and insurance but one thing my das does pay for is the maintenance on my car. And the fact that I was driving my car to get worked on (when it wasn't even necesarily showing signs that it needed repair) and the fact that I could leave it there and drive off and that I wouldn't be paying for a dime of it... was SO NICE!
And in one year, I won't have that anymore. Not just the money that pays for this maintenance... but the person telling me that its time to have my car looked at. I don't know the first thing about my car! I don't know what they'll do to it today at the shop, and when they explain it to me I probably won't understand it. I won't understand what needs doing the next time I take my car in either. My dad's the one who stays on me about checking my oil, but thanks to him and the fact that we get my oil changed on a regular basis, the fact that I still can't open the hood on my own to check said oil has managed to go unnoticed. And in one year that will all change.
And again I say... how HAPPY for those girls who simply pass from one man's care to another's upon graduating! And how sad that I have no other motivation to get married at this moment than that I'm desperately afraid of having to maintain my own car! My desire for independence is such a fickle thing. Because in all aspects, independence looks good to me... except that it is so very nice to be taken care of! To have someone ELSE tell you its time to have the car taken to the shop. To have someone else who is checking up on your mileage because they know you forget to do that on your own. I guess my dad will still be pestering me about those things over the phone though. Life often changes a lot less than you anticipate it will when a big transition is forthcoming.
I think people's fears are very interesting. They are possibly the most personal things someone can share. And I don't mean when people say they don't like spiders... I mean if people were to be really honest and give a list of the things that make them afraid. Mine would look like this:

-taking care of things like my car once I'm living on my own
-having native Spanish speakers in the classes I teach
-letting my (as of yet, still hypothetical) husband see me naked
-situations where I know I won't have control about what I can eat
-getting cancer
-preparing to apologize to someone I've hurt
-heights

That's all I can think of at the moment. I'm kinda surprised I went ahead and put those up... like I said, fears are personal. But I also think that if I were not me and I was reading this blog, I would want to know that about someone else. That's the kind of stuff people can identify with.