Dear friends,
Can I tell you about my dreams? Not my nighttime dreams. I dont regularly remember those... but when I do, they're usually fitful compilations of scenes from school.
No, the dreams I'm referring to are my dreams for my career, my future, my livliehood. All that.
When people find out that I don't plan to teach anymore, they want to know what sorts of jobs I'm looking at. But the sorts of jobs I'm looking at are FAR from the jobs I want. What I find online... what seems to be the likely next step... involves bilingual customer service and office work. What I want is quite different:
-I want to bake
-I want to decorate
-I want to pluck eyebrows and style hair for special events
-I want to cook
-I want to write
-I want to be at home and not around so many people
-I want to grocery-shop
-I want to create diet plans for people who want to lose weight
I have to really watch myself and be on my guard about being (and sounding) discontented. I'm so very happy to be married to Superman and enjoying the life we are making together. But amidst all that blessing, I struggle with envy of just about ANYbody. Pioneer Woman gets to stay at home... so-and-so is pregnant and they're about to get to stay at home... so-and-so gets to sit at a desk and doesn't have to perform for a crowd all day. You name it. Basically if someone doesn't teach school... I'm jealous of them.
Classic "The Grass Is Always Greener..." right?
It always hits me the hardest on a Sunday night too.
I suppose its a good thing, then, that this particular Sunday is Easter, a day centered around gratitude for Jesus' sacrifice for us. When I take the time to think about that... about the fact that I truly believe it happened just as the Bible says it did... how can I be ungrateful? I've been credited with righteousness where none exsisted. I've been bought for a price... intercepted from the punishment that surely awaited me.
I was saddened today because a good friend of mine who doesn't see things the same way I do referred to Easter as "Zombie Jesus Day." I guess I get why Easter would seem like nothing more than an annoyance to many people. Target's closed. Best Buy is closed. Why close down the whole town just because its "Zombie Jesus Day?" I get it. But I'm sad.
In my daily reading the other day, I was struck by what David said as he was about to face Goliath. He said to his brothers, "Who is this uncircumsized Philistine that he should insult the armies of the living God?"
In the many months we've spent reading through the Bible this year, Superman and I have not yet seen the equal of this comment. Truly, David understood and proclaimed that we serve a God who is powerful, living, and unstoppable. He empowered the Isrealites so that the least of them was a match for a hundred and the strongest a match for a thousand. He created the universe, and he defied death itself when Jesus rose. It is so much more than a zombie-tale. It's the only tale that matters, the only truth there is.
And I'm a beneficiary. How can I be ungrateful?
I'm praying tonight that the Lord forgives my ungratitude and continues to gently teach me what it means to love each part of this life he's given me.
2 comments:
Not to take away from the deep thoughts of Easter but I wouldn't mind you writing me a diet plan! ;)
That feeling Sunday night, I like to refer to it as the "Sunday Night Blues". You're not alone. Just about everyone I know- who doesn't get to stay home like P-dub- experiences it. Still praying for you to find a new job.
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