I had two very awful, emotion experiences yesterday and I would LOVE to hear thoughts about them from those who read my blog.
Let start with the first one.
I’m driving to work… loving my life as usual and thankful not to be going to teach school. But traffic is REALLY bad, worse than usual. I hear the traffic report on the radio and realize there’s a pretty big wreck on the highway I’m about to get onto to get to work. It’s really close to my office but on the opposite side of the highway (North-bound, and I’m headed South.) Still, it’s a stand-still on my side of the highway and the radio says it’s because of “rubber-necking.”
A few minutes later, they report numerous cars and numerous injuries in this wreck. I begin to feel anxious because they usually leave those details out of the morning traffic report and stick to the points of congestion and possible detours to take. A few minutes later, the radio talk-show hosts I listen to start giving more detail. Apparently there is at least one fatality in this wreck and the body is lying in the road. At this point I start to get VERY emotional thinking about my husband. Not because I’m worried he’s been hurt, but because I can’t imagine the horror of him being in a car accident and me not finding out until who-knows-when!? Car accidents like that are such tragic, unexpected, unfair things! To have someone (possibly the love of your life) ripped away from you in an instant with no warning, no illness to prepare you, and possibly at a much younger age than you ever expected to lose them… it is unimaginably awful to me. I was bawling for that poor family, and bawling at the fear of it every happening to us.
I was a mess when I got to work. My boss shared a story with me from his own life that was also a bit unnerving (though his point was to attest to the fact that God always has a plan.) I basically had to stop myself from thinking about what I’d seen that morning because every time my mind came back to it, I’d start crying again!
The second thing was about God.
And it’s the thing I most want to hear people’s feedback about. Because it basically dumbfounded me! This sounds dramatic, but it makes me question who I’ve always thought God is. Is he REALLY good? Does he really love us? Can I really trust him?
We read the story of Ezekiel last night. And Ezekiel is a prophet who God has called to give some pretty hard news to the Israelites. They’ve been wicked and rebellious and they’ve prostituted themselves by worshipping false Gods. It’s come to the point where God is ready to follow through and punish them for these years and years of wrong-doing. And with Ezekiel in particular, God keeps proving the severity of his point by making Ezekiel participate in all these symbolic physical acts. (For example, to symbolize the length of Israel’s exile in years, Ezekiel has to lie on his side for something like 390 days… I may be way off on that, I’ll need to look again.)
But the clincher… the killer… was what we read last night. In a symbolized act to top them ALL, God tells Ezekiel that he must serve as an illustration. He must NOT to mourn when Israel receives its just punishment. He is to remain upright, dress normally, not cry… not mourn at all. And to illustrate this point, that night God takes Ezekiel’s wife from him. She dies. And just as Ezekiel is commanded NOT to mourn the loss of Israel, he is commanded NOT to mourn his wife. And we know he loves his wife, because listen to the words from the Bible in Ezekiel 24:
“Son of man, see, I am taking away the desire of your eyes by disease: but let there be no sorrow or weeping or drops running from your eyes. Let there be no sound of sorrow; make no weeping for your dead, put on your head-dress and your shoes on your feet, let not your lips be covered, and do not take the food of those in grief.” So in the morning I was teaching the people and in the evening my wife died; and in the morning I did what I had been ordered to do.
What. The. Heck. ?
This makes me mad, sad, confused, and truly shaken! Up til this point in the Bible, I’ve had a hard enough time as it is coming to terms with all the brutal punishment and violence I see God doling out. (The nations the Israelites conquered were to be totally annihilated, even the babies!) It’s really very hard to hear God command them to do that. But I’d always made peace with it by prayerful knowledge and acceptance that God’s justice is real, and this was an act of justice.
With Ezekiel I’m dumfounded. Why would God take his wife? (Not just allow her to die but take her himself?) Knowing how much he loved her, and in light of the fact that Ezekiel had been so obedient!? And not even let him cry about it?! All for some silly, stupid illustration. Don’t say it’s like Job… I don’t see that as an answer.
Somehow this story really just rips my heart out for Ezekiel. It’s more than unfair. It seems un-loving. I find myself asking, “Why would God care to answer my prayers about work, about food, about a friend who’s hurting… if he’s operating on this system of “examples and illustrations?” If he’s willing to rip Ezekiel’s wife from him and command him not to cry about it… what’s he willing to do to me? How can I trust in his so-called “goodness”? How can I send up a prayer like, “Please heal the pain of the family who lost their mom in that wreck?” when I feel like I’ve lost total trust that he cares at all? Does that make sense? Because how could he care and do that to Ezekiel? It was totally unnecessary. He could have done twenty other things to illustrate that point.
I know this may sound silly… but I’m serious about the effect its had on me. I didn’t pray the things I had planned to pray last night, because I questioned whether God would listen (even moreso than I usually question.) For him to listen to my little requests would require a certain level of “tenderness” that seems absent from the story of Ezekiel. You see my point?
And how do I defend my God to non-believers when I’m just as indignant as they are about stories like this one? Pipe up here if you’re not a religious person because I’m definitely interested in how stories like this one come across to you.
5 comments:
I'll bite. A non-religious person would probably bring up the notion that any god who punishes the innocent is not a just god.
"God either wants to eliminate bad things and cannot, or can but does not want to, or neither wishes to nor can, or both wants to and can. If he wants to and cannot, then he is weak - and this does not apply to god. If he can but does not want to, then he is spiteful - which is equally foreign to god's nature. If he neither wants to nor can, he is both weak and spiteful, and so not a god. If he wants to and can, which is the only thing fitting for a god, where then do bad things come from? Or why does he not eliminate them?"- Riddle of Epicurus by Lactantius
A none religious person like me would say- it's not a test from god. It's random bad luck. It's being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Bad things can happen for no reason- we can't avoid them and we can't plan for them. We can live our lives as careful as we can, but in the end it's what you do that matters.
For the family members grieving with their loss, I would tell them to them to remember the good things about the victim's life and cherish the good things they have. Life is precious because we rarely get second chances. We get no do overs. We can only deal with, and make the best of, what we have.
Thanks for replying Bryan. I really appreciate those thoughts.
I don't believe that every bad thing that happens is a punishment... it seems we have that belief in common.
Neither do I believe that just because God can stop death, disaster, and sickness, he will do so every time.
I believe that instead of trying to make this life perfect, he offers us hope for something beyond it if we will live for him. That makes God sound selfish... but of you buy into "him as our creator" it really isn't. If he gave us life and breath, then it's all his anyway.
That thought still doesn't help with much of my indignation when it comes to the story of Ezekiel... mostly because I myself want to be able to trust that the things I work and pray to hold onto will, in fact, remain right here with me (my husband, my kids one day, etc.) and you and I both know that's no guarantee.
I AM willing to say that God knows better than I do, and that my idea of what is best comes from my own limited understanding. But that's as far as I can go at this point. I truly believe that no person on earth, however wise, is going to "find the answer" to this question and many others. But I firmly believe that God is there and will himself answer it one day in a way I can understand.
In this story, Ezekiel was innocent... and I guess I don't see the death of his wife as a punishment. I just see it as unnecessary pain he had to go through and I want to understand it! I want more explanation than I'm given.
I really appreciate your response.
Cariss. I want to respond, but I am definitely not as elegant of a writer as you are! I will try though...
Basically, I have struggled with that question for A LONG time. I even remember back at Harding church camp (remember, we were roommates?) when you and I were talking about tough questions, and I know this is one that was brought up.
I never got it... Why did God let things like that happen? This was especially hard for me during my parent's divorce. I had never done a darn thing wrong and yet (I felt like) my life was being torn apart.
Although I know in my heart the answer to this question, it is always hard to put it into words when people question that. And they do, all the time. Like, putting you on the spot.
The other day I picked up a book called "The Case for Faith", and read the first chapter. Amazing. I strongly suggest you read it, at least the first 3 chapters. Basically, the author gave this metaphor... A hunter is in the woods and sees a bear caught in a trap, in pain. The hunter and the bear are not capable of communicating or even understanding each other, much like God and humans.
Anyway, the hunter goes over to help free the bear. The bear is scared. The hunter decided to shoot the bear with a tranquilizer, which the bear doesn't understand will actually help him in the long run, but hurt him at first. The hunter then gets up close and sees that in order to free the bear, he has to push the trap down even harder on the bear's foot to get it loose. The bear is hurting and mad at the hunter! All the while, he bear doesn't understand that the pain that is being gently allowed is actually helping him in the end.
Perhaps a silly metaphor, but it really spoke to me. Mainly because I know that my parent's divorce has actually helped me in a lot of ways. Although it really hurt at the time, and obviously still does, I learned so much from it.
And sometimes, you CAN'T see the things you learn from it. But rest assured God is all-knowing and perfect, and we have the joy in knowing that no matter what happens in this earthly life, we will one day be in Heaven with Him, happy as clams!!
I've always been struck by the same thing; had the whole "God's will is perfect" seed of an idea rattling around in my head but also doubt. Truth be told, however, our perspective is so screwed up by our humanity that I wonder how we can think we have even simple things figured out.
But what other possibilities might there be? Well, one possibility might be in how people approach scriptures. For me, that's just a source of more doubt. As PEOPLE have passed down and interpreted scripture through the years, there is no doubt they have emphasized themes in which they had a special interest and de-emphasized or even eliminated things they didn't like. I'm not necessarily questioning the sanctity of the scriptures, but these are the same scriptures that have created more factions of faith groups than we can count because of how PEOPLE have influenced the interpretation. I happen to think that's not exactly what God was after either. Just sayin'...
And now, for one of the more bizarre explanations I heard just the other day as I debated this very topic with a guy on a road trip (the topic of how the "God is Love" thing seems inconsistent). He referred to Gen 6.1 to suggest that fallen angels had impregnated women on earth to breed a race of people who were superhuman and inherently evil (i.e. the Phillistines) and when God asked his armies to wipe out men, women and children it was to eliminate eviln and not inconsistent with the idea of a loving God.
Soooo... Chew on that one for a while before dropping it in the X-Files.
By the way, when you figure out the answer to all this, let me know.
Ooooh. VERY good stuff Kim, and VERY good stuff Anonymous.
The struggle here is that where oftentimes I see God ALLOWING bad things... I rarely see him CAUSING seemingly bad things. That's why I think the "eliminating the inherently evil people" thought (in response to his commanding the death of so many in the old testament)is a VERY interesting one.
It also make the bear analogy extremely relevant. The hunter is causing the bear pain, yes, but for its good.
Obviously, like the bear, the pain he must have caused Ezekiel in taking his wife and not allowing him to mourn over it makes NO sense to me.
But since I DO believe in God's exsistence, and the reality of his story throughout the years... I'm almost forced to stuggle with this particular part of the story. I can't so easily shrug it off by simply saying, "God isn't there... therefore this madness didn't happen and needn't be bothered with."
I believe he's there and have believed all my life that he is love. So it comes down to... "He knows better and I HAVE to trust that." Yuck. I don't like that. Because it still means that I'm trusting in his "goodness" when his goodness doesn't equal what I think it should.
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