I went to the doctor this morning and had 60 more cc's added to each tissue expander. Again, I felt no needle stick and again that fact fascinated me. Dr. Bauer explained to me that from here on I will have met the size goals he had for me based on our pre-surgery consult. (He wanted to get me to about 450 cc's, in hopes that that number would fill out my skin as "roundly" as possible)... so from here on I choose how many (if any) more injections I'd like to have. He also explained that once I reach the size I want to be, he will schedule one more injection (of about 60 cc's) in order to 'over-expand' my pec muscles a bit. Doing this will better prepare my body to switch the expanders out for silicone implants because the implants tend to collapse a bit under the force of the pec muscles (since they are so much softer than the tissue expanders.) A 450 cc implant would look smaller (due to that collapsing effect) than a 450 cc tissue expander.
Now to be honest, I woke up from surgery bigger than I cared to be... so if it's up to me from here to decide how much more to add, I'm good! I wish you could see it, I look like I have two blown up balloons attached to my chest. I asked Dr. Bauer if the implants would look any more natural than the expanders and his answer was, quite simply, "No." Reconstruction is not like ordering boobs from a catalog. You get what your body will allow. And my body is allowing two blown-up balloons. I can influence how big they are blown up... but I don't get to choose the shape they take. So that's unfortunate.
I seem to be the only one so bothered by that. My family and friends think it's no big deal. I wish I felt the same way, but it really bothers me that they practically sag 'upward' instead of sagging 'downward.' My entire life I've been incredibly keen on looking natural (makeup, hair, everything)... so the idea that people would be able to see me and immediately pinpoint me as a "boob job" is bumming me out. Maybe not in a T-shirt... but it'll definitely be obvious in swimsuits, fancy or low-cut dresses, etc.
Alright, enough complaining. On to the good news! I got my last two drains out today and it felt glorious. As soon as they pulled them out and covered the hole with some Neosporin and a band-aid I felt this "Ahhhhh" feeling. Finally those stinging irritated spots can start healing! AND... the best part of all... I finally got to take a real shower tonight. My skin was coming off in flakes, haha! It was definitely time.
And as was the case last week after he added fluid, I've been VERY sore and tense today. There is pressure both on my pec muscles (pulling them taut) and pressure on my chest wall (pushing against it.) It makes it very difficult to breathe deeply or move quickly. And it hurts to lie down flat so sleeping is not fun. Thankfully though, that pain seemed to relax after only a day last week, so I am hoping for similarly quick relief this week.
Other updates: The last of my sweet friends left our house this morning and I have SO enjoyed the time spent with each of them. I'm still not feeling strong or comfortable enough to take care of Elsa all by myself so my mother-in-law is staying with us this week. Praise the Lord for all these helpers! I'm free to sit and enjoy watching Elsa play and smile, but I can dose off if I need to and not worry about her being taken care of. Not to mention people have lovingly taken care of our laundry, cleaning, groceries, cooking, and every other possible thing! We are being spoiled. :)
Thank you again and again for the love and support being sent our way daily! I'm blessed by your words of encouragement... especially on days like today where aspects of this reconstruction have me a bit down.
Much love,
Carissa
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